Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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