i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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