he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
