the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
