I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
