My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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