I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
