I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
