Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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