Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
