Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want a musical about memes.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
