You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
