Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
