This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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