Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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