brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
