Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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