Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
