margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
