Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
