How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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