he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
