What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
