Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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