i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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