I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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