By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
