It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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