Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
