The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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