summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
