he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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