we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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