I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize