well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
