There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
