Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Randomize
