I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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