My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
