They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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