just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
