there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
