i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
