we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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