Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
