Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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