I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
