census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
