shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
two words...techno handjob
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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