My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I looked at my own cervix.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
