do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
