It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize