his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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