5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
