his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
