ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
