You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
