Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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