i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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