Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
