none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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