AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
