There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
either way he was missing a nipple.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
