He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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