I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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