Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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