matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
