I can text with my tongue
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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