swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If I die, sorry about rent.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
