We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
