worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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