I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
