i don't like sucking hair
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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