i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
