so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
