IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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