Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
