I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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