you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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