Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
actually, I'm a sock model
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
