I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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