Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You can't just leave with hair like that
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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