i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
