i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
