im drinking this country out of the recession.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
