I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
