went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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