Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
