that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
