More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
