when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
