She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
