Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
