he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it glows. i had to have it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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