my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize