he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
