Fuck appropriateness.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
