Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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