did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
